When All You Do Is Not Enough

Photo by John McNamara

"To obey is better than sacrifice." (1 Samuel 15:22)

What else can I do? I've put in the time. I've done my duty. I've fulfilled my obligations. And still, still it's not enough. Why do you tease me with dreams, when they dissolve with ease and without care to my heart?

Even though I doubt, I still persevered. And for what? For character? What will that get me?

I return to my first love, over and over—it's resonance shaking me within and without. But though I love, I do not overcome.

The straight is so narrow, I lose my balance. But the path seems to end—weeds and thistles reach into the path and cut. Where does this path lead anyway?

How can Habakkuk speak those words? "Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines … yet I will rejoice in the Lord."

My heart is no God target; he does not pull his bow to unleash his hot arrows upon me. I do not lift up idols. I am not running from my task. Why then, the travail?

And yet, my heart knows nothing else but the fierceness of his love. I walk. I run. I bound up the mountain set before me. I fall back to the place where I began. Broken bones, broken spirit, I sit in a heap.

The wind blows my name, and pushes me back to the mountains side. "Climb," it says. "Climb, my son."

The dead-end path of narrow thistles landed me here, in front of this mountain. And a spirit wind speaks to me.

"We are not responsible for success," writes theologian Klaus Bockmuehl, "but we remain responsible for obedience."

And so, I climb.

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Ridiculous Lunatics

​This picture was taken when me and two of my best friends quit our jobs to play music all over the country circa 1998. For me, it is a reminder of the beauty of our ridiculous faith. And yes, that is a 1963 Leprechaun. 

To be a Christian means to believe in the ridiculous. Of course one who is a Christian does not see belief like this. They view the ridiculous as normalcy and, in turn, the world views them with contempt for their sheer lunacy.

Abraham, that champion of faith, was chief of the ridiculous lunatics.

"… he stood there, the old man with his only hope! But he did not doubt, he did not look in anguish to the left or right, he did not challenge heaven with his prayers. He knew it was God the Almighty that tried him, he knew it was the hardest sacrifice that could be demanded of him; but he also knew that no sacrifice was too hard when God demanded it—and he drew his knife."

We stand daily in the light of certain ridiculousness—a paradoxical combination of certitude and unknowing. The writer of Hebrews spells it out for us.

"The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see." (Hebrews 11:1, The Message)

As one on the inside of ridiculousness, I view belief and faith in the same light. The world, however, views belief as separate from faith. Faith to the world is radical adherence to religious dogma and belief is that aspect of faith, which moves a person from onlooker to participant. The world views the holding of beliefs as helpful, but not as true.

How do you view belief? Faith? Is your Christian perspective founded upon what Kierkegaard refers to as a "remote possibility?"

Or do you live daily like Abraham, drawing your knife?

Our daily vision for work and life will either soar or flail depending on the veracity of your belief. Do you live like it is true, or merely helpful—a crutch to get you through the muck of life?

Once you and I pass over into the land of belief, action predicated on doubt is no longer an option. "Abraham had faith and did not doubt. He believed the ridiculous."

*Exerpts and ideas from this piece were drawn from Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling and C.S. Lewis's essay "Man or Rabbit," which you can find in the collection God In The Dock. I'd also like to thank the mystery writer of Hebrews for writing one of my favorites books of Holy Scripture. 

The Prayer Series // Hope Blooms

"We always pray for you, and we give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and your love for all of God’s people, which come from your confident hope of what God has reserved for you in heaven. You have had this expectation ever since you first heard the truth of the Good News." (Colossians 1:3-5)

When I fell in love with my wife I was touring the country in a van playing music and she was finishing graduate school. We longed to be together. What's more we longed for the day when we'd consummate our relationship on our wedding day.

We lived in anticipation, and that longing fueled our love and painted each day with beauty and hope.​

Hope fuels our faith and our love. Or at least it should. It did so for the Christians

in Colossae. Paul loved hearing about their faithful, loving testimony. This kind of living was fueled by an anticipatory lifestyle—of a people looking toward heaven. That was their hope, the hope of future glory.

What does it look like to live in anticipation of the coming glory of Christ? How would such a longing affect our lifestyle, our choices, our consumption, our priorities?

Is eternity simmering in your heart?

Later on in the letter Paul reminds the Colossae Christians to keep Christ central in all they do: "… that in everything he might be preeminent." (1:18) For Christ to remain preeminent in our lives means he rules as chief over everything. It means he holds the first rank of highest dignity.

This verse resounds in my heart because too often I leave Christ out of my decisions and my everyday living. Pride chokes out the Light of Christ far too often.

And yet daily I press into Him and ask for the courage to obey, for strength to decrease so that he can increase. And when I find myself in that beautiful place where Christ holds the first rank of highest dignity, I find myself pining for heaven and all the glory of God therewith.

Today your assignment is to read Revelation 4-5. In these chapters John steps into heaven and observes a worship service unlike any other. The writing is glorious and will ignite a hope of heaven and awaken the eternity within you.

This passage will draw you toward Christ, the Slain Lamb of God. You will throw up your hands in praise as you sense the Holy Spirit strengthen your faith and galvanize your love.

"“Weep no more; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered …" (Revelation 5:5a)